


Whizzer Just Wants Marvin to Shut Up

by Theshiphassailed



Series: Uncool Dad Marvin: Falsettos Modern AU [3]
Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, F/F, F/M, M/M, it's like mendel and marvin are in a contest to see who can make the worst decision, this is just fun!, tight knit family antics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-09-18 16:35:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9393884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theshiphassailed/pseuds/Theshiphassailed
Summary: In which Whizzer is sarcastic, but it is not easily recognized by Marvin.





	

Marvin and Whizzer had been together for 8 months. Whizzer loved Marvin very much, but sometimes he was a real idiot. On one such occasion, Marvin was ranting about god knows what, and Whizzer was tired of listening.

The easiest way to shut Marvin up is to bring up his ex-wife, or his ex-wife’s husband.

“So Marvin, I think we should have a family dinner. Invite everyone over.”

“Everyone?” Marvin asked.

“Yes, everyone: Charlotte, Cordelia, Trina and Mendel.”

“Why would you want that?”

“I think it’ll be good for Jason. And I haven’t seen Trina and Mendel for a while.”

“Why would you want to see them?”

“No reason.”

Marvin responded with a look of disbelief.

“And I like the psychiatrist. He has an interesting world view, and he’s quite handsome.”

“Handsome?”

“Yes, you don’t think so?”

“I- I’ve- never thought about it.”

“Well I think so. Trina’s quite lucky in that regard.”

“Ugh, whatever. What was I talking about before?”

See, it works every time.

—-

Whizzer had not necessarily meant, or even remembered, what he said that night, thinking it completely unimportant. Marvin, on the other hand, was a jealous man and had to vent his frustrations to his friend.

“You don’t understand, Charlotte. He practically told me he thinks Mendel is better looking than me.”

“I doubt he said that.”

“You weren’t there. My questions is: why does he think this shrink is so attractive. I mean, I’m no Adonis, but at least I have some muscle. Mendel look like he’s never been outside in his life!”

“I’m sure Whizzer was just messing with you.”

“He wasn’t. Trust me. Whizzer’s probably going to leave me for him!”

“He’s married to Trina,” Charlotte said noncommittally, “though I guess that didn’t stop you.”

“Oh, please. Whizzer can make any man, woman or child fall in love with him if he wants.”

“Child?”

“I meant like, make a child like him, not like- whatever you get my point.”

“Maybe you should tell Mendel to back off,” she remarked sarcastically.

“That’s a great idea!”

—-

About one week later, Mendel came to pick up Jason from their house. Trina was busy with her scrapbooking club, and Marvin made sure Whizzer was picking up take-out at the time Mendel said he’d come. Marvin was determined to let Mendel know that any flirting, touching, or looking at Whizzer was not permitted.

“Hello, Marvin. Is Jason ready to go?”

“He’s just packing up. Come in.”

Mendel put his hands in his pockets and looked at his shoes awkwardly. Marvin had no idea how to bring up the fact that his boyfriend might like this man. It was strange. Mendel didn’t seem like Whizzer’s type at all. Still, he had to try.

“How do you feel about Whizzer?” Marvin asked.

“Um- I don’t know. I like him, think he’s a good influence on Jason: a good man.”

“Hmmm, and has Whizzer ever said anything that you would perceive as- flirtatious?”

“No! Why would you ask?”

“He just made a remark a few weeks back, about your looks.”

Mendel laughed. “Well, tell him thank you. Jason and I really must be leaving.”

Mendel took the news with a casualness Marvin saw as a threat. Mendel, despite his calm exterior, was quite happy with this information. Like many straight men, Mendel had a secret dream of being the crush of a gay man. He couldn’t wait to tell his wife.

—-

“Trina, guess what!”

“What?” Trina responded, a fake smile plastered on her face.

“Whizzer thinks I’m sexy,” he gloated.

Trina, instantly recognizing one of her Marvin diversion techniques of making the man jealous to avoid his long-winded rants, knew that Whizzer did not actually find Mendel attractive. Even so, she loved the idea of embarrassing Marvin, so she suggested, “when we come over for dinner next week, you should flirt with him. It would be fun.”

“That’s a great idea!”

—-

The whole family gathered for a Tuesday night meal at Marvin and Whizzer’s house. Mendel wore one of his more tight-fitting sweaters in attempts to impress Whizzer. Whizzer, who had never been impressed with Mendel even once in his like, was focused on making sure this dinner didn’t fall apart, both in the literal sense of not burning the food, and in the figurative sense of keeping the adults from arguing.

Marvin, glaring at the man who was a supposed threat, said to Charlotte, “I hope Mendel backs off tonight.

"You didn’t actually tell him about what Whizzer said, did you?”

“Of course I did.”

“That’s not good,” Cordelia stated, her mouth full of dinner rolls. “It’s nice to eat someone else’s cooking for once.”

Her lover nodded in agreement.

“Huh, look!” Marvin whispered. At that moment, Mendel decided to approach Whizzer.

“I wish that you cooked for me every night instead of my wife,” he said.

“What?”

“Because your food so delicious! And you make less of a fuss about making it. My wife is always like ‘you never do anything around the house! I dust, vacuum, make dinner, do laundry, and you can’t even spare a thank you!’ But hey that’s women for you.” This peculiar statement was indeed Mendel’s attempts at flirtation. He was a terrible flirt.

“Oh, well,” was all Whizzer could think to say in return.

Marvin was eavesdropping on the entire conversation, and he had enough of it. He stood up and walked next to Whizzer.

“Don’t flirt with my boyfriend.”

“What?” Whizzer repeated. Mendel said nothing.

“Oh, don’t deny it. You were obviously hitting on him just now.”

“That was flirting?” Whizzer asked, quite confused.

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop flirting with him. I just wanted to show my wife I am desired by many admirers,” Mendel said with a wink at Whizzer.

“I don’t desire you! What are you taking about?”

“Wait,” Marvin said, “you told me you thought he was handsome.”

“I did?”

“Yes!”

“Ohhhh, that time. I was joking, Marvin. I’m way out of this hetero’s league.”

Mendel looked heartbroken, “I thought you liked me.”

“Your straight and I’m dating your wife’s ex. Also, what’s wrong with you?”

This conversation, which continued for several more minutes, was enjoyed by Trina, Jason, Cordelia and Charlotte, who were laughing hysterically in the other room.

“I can’t believe I convinced him to do that,” Trina said, proudly.

“I can,” Jason replied.

**Author's Note:**

> The comments on my last fic inspired me to write this. Thanks guys!


End file.
